I picked up a 16oz. can of Rush! Energy Lite on clearance for $1.50. It’s not as horrible as most energy drinks, but that’s because it’s barely an energy drink.

The front of the can clearly states “No Sugar, Carbohydrates, Calories”, which piqued my interest because as far as I know, that’s just about everything that gives the human body energy. A closer look at the nutritional information reveals the drink has no fat or protein, either. It doesn’t specify exactly how much caffeine is in it, but I was able to dig up online that it has 50mg per 8.3oz. serving, substantially less than Red Bull. It also has about 6 B vitamins that are in just about everything, and of course it wouldn’t be an energy drink without a ridiculous does of Taurine. Everything I’ve read on Taurine, however, says that it has no stimulatory effects. Why is this an energy drink? Because they couldn’t sell 16oz. of flat, artificially-sweetened strawberry soda for $2.50? Yeah, that’s why.

As for the flavor, imagine that Pepsi manufactured a carbonated Propel Fitness Water that was sweetened with Splenda rather than sugar and you have the right idea.

All in all, this “energy drink” barely constitutes a “drink”, and I think I burned more energy than I consumed researching where its supposed energy comes from. If you want some energy from Rush! Lite, visit their site and listen to the terrible low-quality looped music sample that’s embedded on EVERY PAGE. It should inspire you to go outside and do cool things (jump in the air for the sake of jumping in the air, do a one-handed cartwheel in a designer jacket, wear camouflage cargo pants, ride a bike with a girl on the handlebars, etc), just like all the hip teenage models in the Rush! promotional materials.