It’s a Goddamn *Suicide*
I learned tonight that in the Pacific northwest, a suicide — a drink created by mixing every flavor of pop from a machine — is called a “Graveyard”, which doesn’t even make any fucking sense.
Immediate revision of my “The Thing I Don’t Like About Oregon” list was in order, doubling the list’s size and necessitating a title change. Here is the new version:
Both Things I Don’t Like About Oregon
#1: Dense Hipster Population
#2: Suicides are called Graveyards
Unforgivable!
On the other hand, Graveyard Suicide: band name.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:17 am
Casper 2, everywhere else… I couldn’t draw the infinity symbol.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:27 am
Dude, that’s just heinous and wrong. Oddly enough, we were discussing the ramifications of making the perfect Suicide yesterday. Does one add the diet? I prefer it without. What about the teas and lemonades.
But seriously…a graveyard. That’s about the dumbest thing I’ve heard of since I heard that horses grow feathers!
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:56 am
I always thought that a “true suicide” was every drink on the fountain itself. SO if diet is on there, then yes diet goes in. I however never added the diet…the teas and lemonades, i don’t think they are included unless they are on the actual line of fountains with the rest of the drinks. Most cases when I see the lemonades and teas, they are off the fountain.
also, i noticed you mentioning hipsters Bill. Are there a lot where you are? The area I live in is infested with them. I hate hipsters. Not as much as hippies, but a VERY close second
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am
The diet/lemonade/tea debate is probably as old as the soda fountain itself. Purists would maintain that it’s not a true Suicide unless every beverage on the dispenser is used, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. I’m going to say diet is required, tea/lemonade are not. Controversial, I know.
Oh, and I just tried to post the infinity symbol and I got a database error back.
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:40 am
I would suppose that the general consensus is that diet need be included. I wouldn’t argue that. But as a man of taste, who follows no rules, I leave out the diet. I fucking hate even the slightest taste of Nutrasweet. Anything else with a nozzle around the drink area is game though.
What about these new flavor syrup things they have around. Like cherry and vanilla for all those freaks that must have vanilla coke and shit? Should these be added? Or do you add them simply for originality and creativity bonus points?
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 am
These syrups are dispensed from the fountain itself? Or available separately?
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:54 am
Available separately. Usually, at least at the Loaf N Jugs around these parts, there are the standard 2 fountains, they are located between the 2, usually just a bucket of cherry or vanilla syrup with a pump. A sticky mess indeed.
I tried to make cherry 7-up with it once, by combining a shit fuck ton of that cherry shit to a regular 7-up. It was horrible. But a daring Suicide artist might venture into this territory to amaze onlookers and delight in knowing that he knows no beverage boundary.
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
That’s a tough call: Once you have a mixture that legally constitutes a “Suicide”, is adding more ingredients extra style points or overkill?
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:59 am
Style points. Totally. This actually kind of is like ‘Nam, there are only a few rules.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:43 am
the suicide in my book would include all fountain, diets, syrups, tea, lemonades and icees in the biggest cup they have but thats just in my book. icees good plural word
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
We all know you’re a pioneer in the field, constantly challenging the public perception of what the Suicide platform is ultimately capable of through pushing of the Suicide envelope; a Suicide paradigm shift. But we’re just talking about what a “Suicide” is in its simplest form.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I would have to say, in its purest, most simple form. All nozzles on the dispenser. Anything outside of said dispenser, is purely for originality and style.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
You are all wrong, and here’s why:
“Suicide” makes absolutely no sense. As I was explaining to Bill, although clearly he did not listen, a suicide is a solitary endeavor… so to call the mixing of many drinks together a “suicide” makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Mass murder would be much more appropriate.
Graveyard, however, makes perfect sense. Because a bit of each soda goes into this glorious mix, it’s just like a real graveyard, where the combined bits of each person (or all of them, hopefully… i’m not done with my coffee yet, give me a break) is what makes it a graveyard.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm
What Buttsauce #2 is trying to say is that “Graveyard” makes sense in the context of Oregon, where the deceased are dismembered and delivered to mass graves by dumptruck.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:08 pm
You definitely just admitted that “Graveyard” makes sense.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:16 pm
You definitely just admitted that’s how Oregon handles their dead.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:38 pm
I am very much against someone just taking my glorious name and tacking a #2 on it. Bullshit I say!
Oregonians are fucking weird. It’s a suicide, it will always be a suicide. Just think of the title like opposite day. Where by Suicide no longer means it’s a solitary endeavor. It’s a fucking party. I believe the title came from a situation like thais,
“DUDE! That’s totally badical…there’s no fuckin’ way you would want to drink that mess of shit in a cup!”
Whereby implying that anyone wanting to mix that many drinks together, and actually consume it, is wanting to kill themselves or commit graveyard.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:04 pm
He nailed it: “Dude, you can’t drink Diet Dr. Pepper and Cherry 7-Up mixed together! That’s…that’s suicide!!!”
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:49 pm
oh snap
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:12 pm
completely amazing how many commments are generated by the topic of “suicide.” I’d take the high road here and tell you people you obviously need lives but I did read each and every comment so guess I can’t be smug about it all. And of course it did get me to trying to search my brain to remember what in the hell we called ‘em back in the ole days but it’s just too damn long ago to remember.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 pm
lets get one thing straight suicides are ALLways gross and rot out your belly so bad but at the same time i cant stop getting them
December 4th, 2007 at 12:20 am
whos justin howard
December 4th, 2007 at 7:40 am
I have to agree with comment #12, which I cannot believe there are 12 comments, let alone 23 now…everything on the actual fountain itself is a true “suicide”. The teas and lemonades, if OFF the fountain are not. Also mentioned in comment 5 was something about the flavor syrups. I know for a fact at 711’s, the syrup is built into the fucking fountain itself. While your pop is filling up, you can push one of like 3 buttons to add flavor to your pop. SO lets say there are your average flavors of soda…Coke, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, 7up, Dew…i can’t think of any others. But lets say it is only these 5…and the syrups are vanilla, blue berry, and cherry. This brings a whole new level to the suicide. At this point you are mixing 15 pops into one cup. And that’s only if there are 5 pops on the fountain. Most have more, I just can’t remember what they are.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:08 am
I don’t think the Suicide forefathers could have foreseen an age in which multiple syrups dispensed from a single brand’s nozzle. I’m pretty sure that much syrup is literally suicide.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:12 am
I actually have a problem with the fountains that some places have now, where there is only one nozzle, and then 15 buttons of shit. Everything comes out of that nozzle. So if you’re not in the mood for a SUICIDE that day, your Mountain Dew kind of has a brown color from the Coke that went through earlier.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:12 am
But if you’re making SUICIDES, ALL’s fair.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:37 am
thats why you got to let water run through the nozzle for like ten seconds then it should be pretty go to go and how about the fountains that have two separate dispensers with like coke and pepsi products i think you would have to fill it up with both to be a suicide
December 4th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Oh snap
December 4th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
Stevens (Joepud, Miguel Best, whatever…) is a connoisseur of fountain drinks, and he IS constantly pushing the limits of what it means not to just drink the drink “suicide”, but also to live the lifestyle that goes with it.
December 4th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
oh snap my friend
December 4th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Graveyard.
Ok, really, can we agree that it would be suicide to try to drink a graveyard? I think the whole problem is that I’m naming the drink for what it is, and you are naming it for what it does.
December 5th, 2007 at 4:34 am
Oh see how desperate she gets; trying to twist your words around until you’re agreeing with her and you don’t even know it.
December 5th, 2007 at 6:08 am
I don’t fall for this spin. The name thief is just backpedaling because she knows she’s wrong.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:22 am
what the fuck suicide to try and drink a graveyard what the fuck does that mean i cant drink fucking ground that dead things are buried at come on
December 5th, 2007 at 11:23 am
its called a suicide not a graveyard anyone that calls it different should suck start a shotgun
December 5th, 2007 at 11:25 am
But that’d be suicide!
December 5th, 2007 at 11:26 am
oh and we never name the suicide its just common knowledge its just been called that forever forever forever
December 5th, 2007 at 11:29 am
graveyard and oregon, i cant get behind that
December 5th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I can’t get behind that either.
December 5th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Oregon, Washington i guess are the ones that call it a graveyard(wrong) and washinton people call it different names too everywhere else is suicide or swamp water mostly in canada
December 6th, 2007 at 8:00 am
I took a census here in Washington and came out with a ratio of 4:2:1 [suicide:graveyard:never heard of it]. Not all the Pacific Northwest fails, just Oregon.
December 6th, 2007 at 10:21 am
no one I’ve spoken to has ever even heard of a graveyard. It’s fucking bullshit. JOEPuD is right…it’s been called a suicide forever…simple as that. Oregonites are dumb
December 6th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Oregonese.
So I just looked it up on Wikipedia, infallible authority and repository of all human knowledge, and it acknowledges the term “Suicide” in reference to combining soft drinks here. The only “graveyard” article on Wikipedia is the article on, yes, graveyards. However, in the soft drink article under “mixed”, both terms are listed. Despite this, “Suicide” is clearly the correct term, as Wikipedia lists it first. Now as long as nobody edits the article, we win.
December 6th, 2007 at 11:21 am
stole oregons
December 6th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
whoooooaaaaaaa, did Justin Howard just say that JOEPuD is right?
December 6th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I love that my mom keeps up on this stupid shit well enough to know that that was a rare occasion.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
completely amazing that JOEPuD didn’t notice it. I’m sure he won’t let Justin Howard (whoever that is) live it down for a while.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
“that that” has ALLways seemed weird to me oh and i saw that that justin howard said i was right and thats weird
December 6th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
these comments have gotten rigoddamndiculous
p.s. its always been a suicide.
December 7th, 2007 at 5:59 am
Who’s Justin Howard?
December 7th, 2007 at 11:21 am
hes that guy
December 9th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I’m going to file all of these comments in with the “reasons not to pull the shotgun trigger with my toe” cabinet.
December 10th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
hahahaha oh my god for fucks sake