Correction: The Cancer That’s Killing Skateboarding

by zhx

So it’s come to my attention that an old post of mine has been linked to from a post in a longboarding forum, inciting a wave of longboarders to come bitch on my blog about how much “stoke” I’m killing. Nevermind that my original post said nothing bad about longboards, just the recent increase of douchebag frat boys riding them. Maybe all these angry longboarders were confused that I called them “brethren” rather than “bros?”

Let me clarify. I bomb hills all the time; it’s therapeutic. Bombing hills never ever gets old. Especially since moving to Portland, my skateboard is also my primary mode of transportation. I go everywhere on it. But I also like…well, a good variety of tricks, which doesn’t really exist in longboarding. If ALL you’re going to do on a board is bomb hills then sure, buy a longboard. Go nuts. Bert slide your heart out. I’m just not going to invite you out the next time we hit the park, because I like to do things besides roll around on my board. That said, I would approach a random longboarder on the street to ask for directions, the nearest skatepark or the best local bar before I asked a total stranger because, well, clearly we already connect on some level.

Skateboarding has many different shades, not all of which I am “stoked” on. I never thought vert skating was entertaining to watch and Danny Way’s Megaramp was cool for about…a week and now I’m just over it. Similarly, longboarding just doesn’t maintain my interest. Like rollerblading, the “sport” is so inherently limited that after a certain point it cannot progress (and I apologize for comparing longboarding and rollerblading). There is no real “rivalry” between longboarders and skateboarders (street, whatever); they’re really two entirely different things. Sure, a 50-year-old Hell’s Angel and a motocross superstar both ride motorcycles, but do we just refer to them all as bikers? There’s clearly a difference in attitude and purpose there, which is also true with street skating and longboarding. What I was pointing out in my post is precisely this. There is a difference between somebody that has been longboarding (or skateboarding) for a while and really live and breathe it and what I referred to as “polo-shirted, cargo-shorted, Birkenstocked bastards” clumsily pushing around campus because their friends decided skateboarding was cool one day. There is a certain simple purity to skateboarding (or longboarding) and I despise signs like this that remind me of the popularization and commercialization of it. You know the feeling, like when your favorite band signs to a major label and you have to stop wearing their shirt because now a bunch of high school girls own the same one. The way I see it, the longboard community should be just as pissed off as I am about this “invasion.”

Basically, if you’re into longboarding hardcore enough that you actually go discuss it at a longboarding forum, I probably don’t have a problem with you. If you’re one of the aforementioned frat boys polluting the collective skateboarding culture by riding a longboard, then fuck off. Nobody’s impressed. Go do something you’re good at, like date rape.