We had dinner at Nina’s parents tonight, and I met her two nephews (ages 2 and 5) for the first time. The best thing about child humor — I learned tonight — is there is no rhyme or reason to it. Apparently they’re both on an anything-and-everything-pirates kick right now, and during dinner, the oldest was explaining how a friend of his misunderstood the name of a pirate in one of his books.

5YO: He thought it was Captain BREAD-beard!!!!
2YO+5YO: *Shrieking laughter*
5YO: LIKE HIS BEARD WAS MADE OUT OF BREAD!!!!!!!!!
2YO+5YO: *Shrieking laughter*
2YO: YO HO HO
2YO+5YO: YO HO YO HO YO HO
Etc, etc…

An hour later, we had finished dinner, and I was drawing a cartoon of Captain Breadbeard for them.

5YO: YOU THINK CAPTAIN BREADBEARD IS REAL!!!
5YO + 2YO: *Shrieking laughter*

I finished the picture off by adding in a speech bubble so Captain Breadbeard (a short, fat pirate, complete with hook hand, eye patch and full beard made of slices of bread) was saying “YO HO HOAGIE.” This was a little too high-brow.

5YO: Nono, it’s “YO HO HO.”
Me: A hoagie is a kind of sandwich.
5YO: *Blank stare*
Me: Cuz he’s Breadbeard.
5YO: *Blank stare*
Me: Huh.

The 5-year-old ran off with the picture to show everybody and I started fixing Nina’s parents’ computer, since she likes to volunteer me for that sort of thing. A couple minutes later he returned.

5YO: WHAT IF INSTEAD OF CAPTAIN OF THE SEVEN SEAS CAPTAIN BREADBEARD WAS CAPTAIN OF THE SEVEN SANDWICH!!!!! *Shrieking laughter*
Me: What if instead of Captain of the seven seas, he was Captain of the seven cheese?
5YO: *Blank stare*
Me: …
5YO: No, Captain of the seven sandwich.
Me: Captain of the seven sandwich.
5YO: *Shrieking laughter*