RIP Analog Broadcast
Today was the last day of analog broadcast television. I’m always for progress (like when is the government going to step in and force cable companies to upgrade infrastructure so we can get some decent internet in this country?), so when I heard about the forced upgrade however many years ago I thought “good fucking riddance.” I mean, who watches TV with an antenna anymore? Well, I’m also currently working for the company responsible for sending out all those $40 vouchers for the converter boxes. I’ve learned that a lot of people still watch TV with an antenna. And that I am a dick.
The vast majority of applicants tend to be either very old, very poor, or both, and though you only need to fill out a simple application and mail it off to this company, you’d be surprised how many people can barely handle that, let alone figuring out how the conversion will work. On at least 50 occasions, the “form” I’ve received isn’t the mail-in form, but the Internet application, which people have printed off and filled out by hand (no, not a downloadable form, a screenshot of the web page). One person had even written out the CAPTCHA at the bottom of the screen and circled the “Submit” button. In many, many more instances, I get written letters which, more often than not, contain entirely too much information. I mean, we basically need a name and address and we mail you the coupon, but people feel the need to explain why they need the coupon, and it helps to make my already boring workday just a little more depressing. You tend to get a mental image of the customer from these letters, which then becomes a caricature for EVERY form you complete. It really starts to get to you. I’ve started taking pictures of a couple of the letters with my phone for transcribing purposes. Here are a few.
Dear Sir/Madam
Please I am asking if you can give me a copon for the TV converter box, I am 62 years of age I am not working because of Debetic my hand and foot heart. I dont have money I rent one room, and food stamps I get from the government I get $308 from Social Security. but I cant afford to by the box, if you can give me one I would be most gratefull.
Yours truly,
Norma
Phone XXX-XXX-XXXX it is a metro phone I cannot afford a house phone.
God Bless & Keep You
Sir
I am writing about TV converter box coupon program. We don’t have no money to buy a TV converter box. Can you send us a coupon. I wish we could get one free. We are having so much problems. We are struggling. Please let us know about the box I wrote about. We live on a fix income so it is hard for us.
Carole
Please send coupon for converter I am 89 years old my TV is my life I need so bad.
In one letter the guy wrote something like “I am very old and poor, my TV is over 30 years old, I would like a coupon so I can experience HDTV in my home.” I don’t know if he was confusing terms and meant DTV or if this guy is actually expecting a high-def picture on his 30 year old TV from his local news station, but it was completely moot as he had neglected to add his address to the letter and did not fill out a return address on the envelope. This happens from time to time and I feel horrible because I have no way of contacting these people to say, “You form didn’t get processed! Quick, give me your address and I’ll send you a coupon!” Now, with the transition complete, all I can imagine is this 90 year old guy in some dumpy studio apartment in Detroit checking his mail every day for his converter box coupon that will never come.
Maybe it’s really not as bad as all that. Maybe I just have entirely too much time to sit and overthink these things, but it’s really started to put my gung-ho PROGRESS PROGRESS PROGRESS stance into perspective. “Who uses landlines anymore? Get rid of all the telephone poles!” “Who reads newspapers anymore? Let em die!” It’s these people that still use these services; the guy whose only pleasure left in life is watching his local TV station alone in his apartment. Sometimes we just forget they exist.
One Response to “RIP Analog Broadcast”
wow, whoda ever thunk it, there’s po’ folk out there that actually can’t afford that new-fangled stuff
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