I don’t fucking like Nike.

Sure, some early Nike models became skate shoe classics, but quickly fell by the wayside when shoes designed specifically for skateboarding started to debut. And yeah, in the late 90′s they started making those pretty cool “What If We Treated All Athletes the Way We Treat Skateboarders?” ads, but even in my teens my bullshit sensor was starting to click. There was something off about the whole thing; about a sporting apparel company testing the waters in an industry they previously didn’t give a fuck about. Maybe because skateboarding was blowing up and there was money to be made?

So no, I didn’t like that they started re-releasing the classic “non-skate shoe skate shoes” and no, I didn’t like when Nike SB was officially formed and no, signing Paul Rodriguez (and, more recently, Eric Koston) does not lend Nike any credibility (what pro skater is going to say no to bazillion dollar paychecks?). Nike muscles their way in, signs some big names and starts throwing money around the industry like they’ve always cared, and even real skateboarders start to think “Hey, Nike’s not so bad. This industry can use some big names.” In fact, being anti-Nike has become a pretty unpopular opinion in skate circles. Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

To compare it to another industry nobody gave a shit about, it’s a bit like video games in the early 90s, when you had Nintendo and Sega. Real video game companies. I mean, they basically built the industry. Then suddenly video games go mainstream, there’s billions of dollars flying around, and Sony — a shit-polishing company — decides “Ooh ooh, me too, guys. Right?” Yeah, with Sony’s crazy marketing muscle and established name they created one of (or two of) the most successful consoles of all time, but who the hell are they to jump in and start calling the shots? It’s the same goddamn thing with Nike. They put up tons of money for parks and contests and flying their team all over the world to produce these slick, polished videos and commercials, but where is this money coming from? What was this empire built on? Not from selling decks or skate shoes; it’s from selling cleats to meatheads and track pants to soccer moms. Forget it, Donny, you’re out of your element!

I bring this all up because Nike just released their am video, Debacle, for free online. Nike has a good team and production values are, of course, through the roof, so I had to check it out. Honestly, it’s a very good skate video, but, like those commercials from the late 90s, something was just a little off. In an early scene, a kid is skating a bench, bumps into the guy that owns the property (who starts screaming at them for destroying his bench), push comes to shove, the skater (Daryl Angel) throws his skateboard through the building’s window and lunges for the guy right when it cuts. I thought (or maybe I said out loud), “Holy shit, I’m pretty sure that’s the most punk rock thing I’ve ever seen.” But as the video progressed, every skater’s part had an intro that, in one way or another, involved breaking glass, and I started to imagine advertising execs sitting in roundtable discussions with “extreme” focus groups. “Okay, the theme here is “Debacle,” we want each ‘boarder’s part to begin… with a debacle.” Sure enough, right before the credits roll, the video clarifies “No actual cars, glass, people, business owners, concrete benches, windows or bus shelters were hurt during the filming of Debacle. [...] Nike SB wholeheartedly endorses skateboarding, but always skate within your abilities and with respect.”

Aw, really? Gee whiz, thanks, mom!

What the fuck happened to “Skate and Destroy?” I remember videos full of irresponsible drinking, property damage, and fights with security guards; shops like the Church of Skatan had t-shirts with burning bibles, companies like Consolidated had t-shirts that depicted throwing rocks at rollerbladers. Oh man, and Big Brother magazine? Fuggidabouddit. Hell, skateboarding is predicated on a complete lack of respect. What the fuck is this radio-friendly censored version of skateboarding with this watered-down, manufactured bad-boy image? Barf. This sort of thing says “skateboarding” to me about as much as Outback Steakhouse’s decor says “Australia.”

Don’t do it. Support companies owned and operated by skateboarders, support shops owned and operated by skateboarders. And yes, I have a right to bitch and be elitist, because I was skateboarding waaay before Nike was. Oh, and get off my lawn.